It's a Tie

Presents are always a good thing. They're especially good when they make you giggle like a three year old the second you open them.

The UPS guy came to my door today.

He brought me my Mother's Day present from my mom. I opened the package and immediately started giggling.


We'll get to what it was in a minute.


Many years ago, I received another present that made me giggle like that. Up until today, it was the greatest present ever.

The one today tied it.

I'm pretty sure I've already told the story of the previous greatest gift, but I'm too lazy to look for it right now. I'm just going to tell it again:


It was springtime. Pirate Munchkin's birthday was coming up. A gift arrived in the mail from my sister. I opened the plain brown mailing box expecting to see a birthday present from the doting aunt. Sure enough, inside the brown box was a pretty green package with a pretty polka dotted ribbon around it. But I noticed something unexpected tucked under the bow. It was a card that said "Why would your sister be sending you a present?" I was stunned! It was for me! A Just Because present!! So I opened the card, and on the front were two cartoon women wearing tiaras. Inside, in my sister's writing it said "because you needed it." I unwrapped it, and inside was my very own tiara! It was very exciting. And it made me giggle like I was a little girl.

(For the record, my sister also had a tiara. Hers had the word "bitch" spelled out very subtly in rhinestones.)

I like to wear mine when I do the laundry. Isn't it pretty?



So now to today's present.

It's pretty obvious from my blog that I like pirates.

I REALLY like pirates.

To the point of obsession.

Anything that can bring a more pirate world into my life makes me blissfully happy.

I even have a huge Jolly Roger flag that hangs on the wall in my bedroom.

It has blood red eyes. Most people would find that extremely creepy.

Especially since it faces the bed. Staring at us in our sleep.

Not me. Makes me insanely happy.

So here's what my Mom sent me for Mother's Day:

It's a PIRATE DICTIONARY!!! Words and phrases from movies, literature, and real pirate history.

470 beautiful pages of ways to talk like a pirate!! I'm in heaven!

My favorite section is the Threats.

Here are some lovely examples:


I'll slit the veins of your arms and use your blood to warm me rum.

I'll filet you like a herring.

I'll carve your gizzard and fry it for me supper.

I'll blow you clear off the sea.


Expect to see more colorful pirate language woven into more of my entries now that I have this treasure at my disposal.

Thanks Mom!!!