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Sunday, September 5, 2010


I have so many things to say about the changes in our lives. I feel like I should go on and on about our new state, new town, new house. But the fact is, there is something so much more fantastic in my life right now, and I really just want to talk about it.

I've wanted this for 34 years. I remember as a little girl putting pillows and teddy bears under my shirt to pretend I was pregnant. I would hold my baby dolls against me as if I was nursing them. When people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, along with the dreams of teacher, fashion designer and interior designer, I also added that I wanted to be a Mom.

From start to finish, I've basically been actively trying to have a child of my own for 11 years. I love Pirate Munchkin intensely, but there's always been a little hole in my heart that she didn't grow in my own womb. When I was a foster mom to a beautiful little baby, I resented every bottle I had to give her. I wanted so dearly to be able to nourish her with my own body.

And here it is. My dream is finally coming true. There is a tiny little person growing inside of me. I've waited anxiously for the time that I'm finally showing and feeling movement in there. The first few months were a little bit of torture because I really wanted to get to the point that I'm just starting to feel. I had the joy of knowing there were changes going on. The morning sickness and mood swings and exhaustion were signs of the wonderful future.

But this.

This is what I've been waiting for.

Look at that belly!! Isn't it beautiful?

I've only felt gentle little flutters once. But don't get me wrong, this baby has definitely been moving. It likes to push! I get fairly regular little shoves and stretches. Yesterday, it was even fully stretched diagonally across my belly - from the top left to the bottom right. I hadn't even realized my uterus was that big yet. Then, I got what I can only guess was a foot all the way up. This is going to get really interesting when this child is able to get all the way up to my ribs. My mom has a friend who's baby actually dislocated her ribs from kicking so hard!

As I'm in the middle of it, and finally getting an idea of what this whole thing is like, I'm stunned by how very odd it is. My whole body isn't mine anymore. It's one thing to have your stomach grumble. When that happens, you know that you need to eat something or maybe you've eaten something you shouldn't. But I'm starting to get to the point where there are movements going on inside me that I have absolutely no control over. And the crazy thing is I look forward to it! I can't wait until I'm feeling more and more of these little movements. I can't wait until I can actually see the movements, and the baby is reacting and kicking to the voices of our other family members.

Stay tuned for further belly excitement adventures. :)


Kate said...

Oh I love it! I really miss having that big baby belly sometimes. It's just a miracle to have a little person inside you stretching and swimming and growing. Happy for you. :)

Druceal said...

AWE I felt the same way with my preg. I had to wait 30 years and every minute of that first preg. was pure Joy. Even the icky parts, I guess having to wait for so long makes you really appreciate it. Enjoy the ride, I can't wait to hear more updates.