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Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Um... dear? Is there anything you need to tell me?

Okay, so I know this story has been on MANY other posts, but it's just so darn funny I can't help myself. It fits in so well with my stupid news stuff.

I especially like how the neighbor's wife consents to this whole thing even though she KNOWS that her husband is sterile! I like the simplicity of how they put it in the article "When his own wife objected". I can just picture that conversation.

Guess what honey?


You know our neighbor and his hot wife? Turns out that he's sterile, and he figures since our kids turned out so cute, he wants to pay me $2500 to impregnate his wife! Isn't that GREAT???

Um... honey... I don't think that's a very good idea... the kids... um... they're.. not... um... you're not... um...

"I don't like this any more than you. I'm simply doing it for the money. Try and understand."

So, eventually, she consented. Do you think she was planning on using some of the money to buy some sexy outfit to wear for the REAL father of their children?

Thursday, April 16, 2009

One Heck of a Boob Job

A [Foreign Country] man accused of using veterinary equipment to perform cosmetic surgery is in the doghouse. [Foreign Name] regional police said they arrested the 63-year-old [Foreign City] native for allegedly practicing medicine without a license in filthy conditions at his home.

The police said in a statement released Wednesday that the man charged his human patients between euro250 and euro500 ($330 to $660) to perform breast or buttocks implants and used a veterinary tool normally used to inject animals.

The police statement said the bogus doctor worked in the company of his three dogs, a cat and a parrot.

Police arrested the man Friday after authorities received a complaint about a shoddy breast implant.

Not to imply that this particular doctor did the lovely surgeries in the picture above, but wouldn't that be scary if he did? I'm not sure which is worse, the story or the picture! Yikes!!

That just reminds me of a comment made by a co-worker once. One of our other co-workers was planning a trip to the beach, and we were teasing him about being careful about girls with a boob-job. Co-Worker #2 asked Co-Worker #1 how to tell if they're real or not. C1's comment was "If she lays down on the beach, and her boobs don't, they're fake." We all had a good laugh over that one!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Stupid People are funny

Okay, so I have no idea what this blog is going to be about. I actually just signed up for it so I can post comments on someone else's blog. But I love stupid criminal stories and have this strange urge to share them with the world, so here's a good one that I read recently. I don't want to have someone mad at me for using real names and locations, so I'm removing those to protect the not-so-innocent (even though you can get the un-edited version on the web):

A 28-year-old man has been charged with drunken driving after crashing his motorized bar stool, [state] authorities said.
Police in [small town], 30 miles east of [random city], say when they responded to a report of a crash with injuries on March 4, they found a man who had wrecked a bar stool powered by a deconstructed lawn mower.
Police released the 911 tapes, revealing the calm exchange between the driver's friend and the dispatcher.

"I got a friend who wrecked a bar stool," the caller said.
When asked by the dispatcher whether he hit his head inside the bar, the friend replied, "Um, no, he was riding the bar stool ... a motorized bar stool."
[Interesting drunk, to be further known as I.D.], the bar-stool rider, was hospitalized for minor injuries.

During an interview after his crash, [I.D.] told the reporter, "I drank quite a bit after I wrecked."
Police say he was charged with operating a vehicle while intoxicated after he told an officer at the hospital that he had consumed 15 beers.
[I.D.] told police his motorized bar stool can go up to 38 mph.
[I.D.] has pleaded not guilty and has requested a jury trial.

Now, I certainly have a lot of friends who drink - although thankfully, most of them know better than to get behind the wheel when they do. Around here, it's not unheard of to find out that someone has been caught driving drunk on a tractor. But you have to appreciate the concept of driving home drunk on the very type of furniture you were on when you became drunk in the first place. I wonder what the mind-set was when the motorized barstool was being built. If nothing else, he would certainly have to be an intersting person to get to know. Just saying...