It's Still Saturday!

At least for the next 20 minutes, anyway.

I just realized that I almost let Saturday go by without a stupid criminal story!!

Well, I couldn't find a stupid criminal story this week, but I thought this was funny:

UK postal workers boycott house after cat attacks

The Associated Press

Updated: 04/10/2010 08:47:50 AM MDT

LONDON » Britain's postal service says it has suspended deliveries to a woman following repeated attacks by her 19-year-old cat.

Royal Mail said Friday that it had halted deliveries because postal workers had already sustained "nasty injuries" at the address in the town of Farsley, near Leeds in northern England.

The woman was identified as a 43-year-old pharmacy worker. Media reports say she found it hard to believe that her cat, named "Tiger," could be behind the attacks.

She told two newspapers the animal spent most of its day sleeping and didn't have the energy to chase postal workers.

In my head, this is the same cat that lived next door to Charlie Brown and loved to torment Snoopy.

My funny girl

The following conversation just happened between Pirate Munchkin and me:

(She is drinking from a can of Sprite.) Mom? Do you like Sprite?

I like it, but it's not my favorite.

I know what your favorite is.

What's my favorite?

Dr. Pepper. You ALWAYS drink Dr. Pepper.

Yep.

{making the craziest face at me} And you always burp!



Sadly, that's very true.

Help Please!

See these two beautiful horses? Their names are Moss and Liberty, and these sweet babies live at Paradise Ranch Horse Sanctuary.

Paradise Ranch is a non-profit organization run by a dear friend of mine. They rescue and take in unwanted horses, preventing them from being sent to slaughter or euthanized just because their owners can no longer take care of them. The horses are given proper food, attention and regular vet visits to make sure they have the best home possible.

Right now, they are doing fundraiser to help raise money for food and supplies to take care of the horses. The fundraiser website can be found here. There are all kinds of beautiful flowers and vegetables for sale with good prices. And the shipping cost is just a flat $5!

Mother's Day is coming up, and flowering plants would be a great gift!

I got a head-start on my new perennial flower bed with my order.

So go check out the site, buy some pretty plants and help Moss, Liberty and their friends!

Angels

Years ago, I heard a man talking about his mother who had died. He referred to his mother as an "angel". I was really touched by his comment.

At the time, I was married to my first husband and not at all happy. Life was really hard. While the thought of being called that by my children one day sounded like a wonderful thing, what I really wanted was to hear my husband call me his angel.

He never did.

Last weekend, I was having a really difficult day. I was trying to enjoy a spiritual program on TV that I'd been looking forward to for a while. I kept getting interrupted by Pirate Munchkin wanting to show me something, or ask me what a word was in one of her books. Or by animals causing trouble. And then I got a phone call - could I please take care of Grandma for a few hours, and could they bring her RIGHT NOW?

I was very frustrated. I love my family very much, but i don't get a lot of moments of peace and uplifting in my life these days. My family was the exact reason why I was having trouble feeling the peace I needed dearly.

But that is all just part of being mom.

So I took care of Grandma. And I dealt with the animals. And I helped with the reading and paid attention to the little things that mattered to Pirate Munchkin.

And in answer to my un-uttered prayer for peace, Surfer Pirate came home early from work. He offered to take Pirate Munchkin fishing and drop Grandma off where she needed to be. All of this so I could enjoy my spiritual programming in a quiet home.

As he was helping Grandma out of the house, he put his arms around me, kissed me on the forehead and said to her "Isn't my wife wonderful? She's my angel."


And there it is.

What he didn't know was that in doing what he did for me that day, he showed that he's MY angel as well.

The Kid in Me

I am very tired, and I should be in bed, but I just can't go to sleep until I mention where I got to go tonight.

THE CIRCUS!!!

To tell the truth, I was really not excited to go. At all. I had sort of ignored the dates it would be in town because I didn't want to deal with it. Then, Pirate Munchkin's best friend mentioned that she was going to the circus tonight. And then her mom invited us to go with them. I knew Surfer Pirate would rather jab ice picks under his fingernails than go, and the concept of going without adult companionship was really daunting. So, this sounded like a pretty good compromise. And as my mom friend put it "I need an adult to talk to."

So we made a night of it. We took the girls out for Mexican food, then off to the circus for face painting and cotton candy.

I didn't expect much.

I went to this same circus 8 years ago, and it was pathetic. Most of the focus was on the clowns - who were pretty darn boring. There were only 2 acrobats, and while what they did was impressive, they didn't do much. The highlight of the night was when the elephants were doing their show and one of them dropped a pile of dung in the middle of the ring. I didn't think any creature alive was capable of that much poo at one time!

I was completely blown away this year! I can safely say it was phenomenal - and that's just not a word in my general vocabulary.

I knew tonight would be different when they wheeled out the first part of the show - SIX live tigers! Beautiful and entertaining. There was a large dog show, a stunning motorcycle act, performing bears and elephants, contortionists and jugglers. And of course the clowns (who were still pretty boring). But the most amazing part was the acrobats. There had to have been at least 20 of them! They did so many different acts, too! From the ever-impressive spinning at top speed from a tiny strap wrapped around her head, to climbing and spinning from two large swags. There were women climbing, twisting and suspended from ropes while WEARING THREE INCH HEELS!!! But the most impressive part for me was the trapeze act. I was so amazed by all their tricks that I realized when they were done that my hands were actually sweating from the intensity! Again, the women doing the trapeze were wearing 3 inch heels! (And I have to admit the catcher was REALLY nice eye candy!)

The prices weren't bad either. Pirate Munchkin got a free pass at school, admission for me was $12. While the different activities for the kids were higher than I expected, the refreshments were very reasonable.

So, if you get the chance - go to the circus.

Next year, I'm putting Pirate Munchkin on the back of an elephant. And after my description of tonight's show, Surfer Pirate wants to go next year, too.

Opinionated

My hair, that is.

Apparently my hair has a moral opposition to being blond.

When I was a baby, it was red. There is a very funny story from my babyhood. This little 80-something year old lady was sitting by my parents in church one Sunday when I was tiny. She looked at me, looked at my mom, looked at my dad, looked us all over one by one again. Then, she looked at my mom and said "That baby has red hair. What color hair does your milkman have?" She just said it to be funny, but it was definitely not something you would expect from someone like that.

When I was younger, it started to go blond - but it was a dishwater blond. My mother would put lemon juice on it in the summers and send me out to the sunshine - making it turn almost platinum blond. It was very pretty.

By the time I was 14, I was sick of my hair. I didn't like the color. It was mousy and just blah. So I decided to dye it. I picked out a very pretty blond dye, and Mom colored my hair. When it was finished and dry, I looked in the mirror, and it was... red. Huh? Apparently, I had enough natural red in my hair that it sort of took over. As I looked at it and thought about it, I decided I liked it.

And I learned that the old saying "Blonds have more fun" isn't true. It's actually redheads.

Years passed, I went back to my natural color. Then, a couple years ago, I started highlighting it sometimes. I did a full dye a couple months ago, a pretty brown. But I decided to go lighter for the warmer weather. And why not take another stab at blond? With Surfer Pirate's input, I picked out a pretty blond. This morning, I set out with the process.

And the results?

Red.

To be fair, it's actually strawberry blond. And it's pretty. But it's still red.

My hair just likes to be red.



But on another note, three posts today? I think I'm obsessed!

Not the smartest choice I've made

Yesterday, my neighbor came over.

That's never good.

In the past, that usually meant helping her move furniture. I had a husband and a teenage step-son who she was constantly asking for help. When she figured out that we were tired of helping her, she would wait until the adults left and come pester my step-son. Eventually, my step-son reached adulthood and moved out, and I got a divorce.

And then I married a man with tattoos.

She hasn't been around much since.

I'm pretty sure she's afraid of him.

But yesterday, she came over. It was quite funny because all the dogs were upstairs and doing their usual "let's eat the stranger" act, so I kept the screen door closed while I talked to her. My screen door is one of those where the glass slides up - exposing the screen in the middle of the door. It always amuses me when people lean down to the screen to talk - like I couldn't possibly hear them if they just stood normal and talked. And that's what she did. She has gotten very slow in her older age, so it always takes her a while to get to the point.

Apparently, she had gone to renew her drivers' license and has passed the age where they let you just renew. You have to retake the driver's test. So, they issued her a permit and instructed her to come back the next day - but she needed to have a licensed driver with her. That's where I come in. Would I be willing to go with her today so she could take her test? I didn't hesitate to say yes. For all that she can be very annoying, she doesn't really have anyone. Her son and grandson live out of state, and while she attends church regularly, I don't see anyone come by the house to spend time with her. Of course I would help her out.

I didn't think much of it until I got in her car this morning.

I am willingly getting in a car with someone the State of Montana isn't sure if they should give a drivers' license to.

That's kind of scary.

She pulled out of her driveway, crossing the traffic lines into the wrong lane. Okay. No oncoming cars. It certainly wouldn't be the first person I saw do that. She's a little slow about shifting gears, but so far, so good. And then we turned a corner. Too fast! And then we came to a traffic light. Her car was way too far out into traffic! More scary turns, some late signaling, no signaling for lane changes. I was feeling REALLY grateful for the seatbelt I was wearing.

And then I had the horrifying thought - what if they don't pass her and she's not allowed to drive anymore?

I have a feeling she's going to be asking me to drive her places.

Like most downtown areas, ours is a series of multi-lane one-way streets. When she couldn't decide which lane she wanted, she slowed down to about 2 mph while she thought about it. The car behind us honked. She pulled up to a stop light. It turned green. She sat there and thought about it. The car behind us honked. We got turned onto the street she wanted and got stopped by the train. As most people do, she put the car in park until the train passed. Once it was gone, she stayed in Reverse just a little too long before getting the car in the right gear. I'm sure the driver behind us had a mild heart attack as we started rolling backwards - but at least this driver didn't honk.

When we got to the DMV, I happily waited inside with my book while she took her test. I guess she did okay because they passed her.

And I lived to tell the tale...

Warrior Queen

Almost 2 years ago, I had planned on starting a blog. It had a very specific purpose. I was going to write about my beautiful sister and my memories of our lives together. In my sorrow over her death, I couldn't deal with it. The pain was too deep.

And then, I just never got around to it.

And then, I decided that it just wasn't something I wanted to do. I do have a journal that I write in about her sometimes, but putting it online just wasn't something I felt like doing.

But I cannot let this blog pass without mentioning her. She is my hero, after all.

I have to address the Queen aspect of her first. I've mentioned it before. I'm not even sure how it all got started, but one day, she showed me this Mary Engelbreit picture and said, "This is me." As the years went on, the queen references continued. Being the younger sister, sibling rivalry is always there - even when it is just mild. I have to admit, her claims of being queen irritated me at times. And then, she introduced me to this. Considering that at the time, I did actually have red hair, I was very content with that idea.

One day, near Pirate Munchkin's 3rd birthday, a package arrived in the mail. I figured it was just a birthday present from the doting aunt. I opened the box, and inside was a very pretty little present, wrapped in green paper with a green and white polka-dot ribbon. I was about to set it aside for the birthday when I noticed the card on it had a note on the outside that said "Now why would your sister be sending you a present?" Oh! It's for ME! I opened the envelope. The card had two women on the front wearing little tiaras. Inside, she had written "because you needed it!" I opened the present, and immediately started giggling! Yep! I DID need it! It was a tiara! Just for me!

I wear it when I do the laundry.

My sister was VERY smart. She was a National Merit Scholar, and she chose a career in teaching. To my amazement, she actually ENJOYED teaching junior high! What kind of crazy person actually WANTS to spend their day with 7th and 8th graders? But she did. She loved teaching. She loved her students, and was always full of entertaining stories. I loved when she would read me papers her students had written.

She definitely had some challenges in life. I married first while she struggled through numerous interesting relationships. Eventually (thanks to the wonderful internet) she met a great - and VERY tall - man. They were married a year later. They immediately started working on a family - with no luck. We struggled through several years of infertility together (during this time, our dad joked that we were conspiring against him so he couldn't have grandkids! Thanks Dad). Eventually, the ex and I were able to adopt Pirate Munchkin. Her adoring aunt came for a visit in the summer of 2006. You can read her description of the trip here and here. (There is also a funny mention about me having an internet phobia back then - completely true!)

She had a cold at the time.

She'd had a LOT of colds in that time frame.

Turns out they weren't just colds.

A few days before Christmas 2006, we were on the phone, and she mentioned that she wasn't feeling well. She was concerned because she didn't have very much energy. She would get tired and have to rest halfway up the stairs in her own house. The next day, they were supposed to be getting on a plane to spend Christmas with her in-laws. Instead, they went to the hospital. The diagnosis was pneumonia. But an x-ray showed something in her lungs. Kind of scary, but an internet search found a certain kind of pneumonia that has a mass in the lungs. A biopsy was ordered, but the lab was closed for Christmas. No big hurry, it could wait. Christmas in the hospital isn't much fun, but she was a trooper and made the most of it.

December 28th, 2006. I was cleaning the litter box. I had my cell phone in my pocket when my Mom called. The lab results were in. My sister had cancer. She was 33.

The next 18 months were kind of a blur. She had a very rare cancer, and it was Stage 4. She was a guinea pig - lots of different kinds of drugs and medications - experimental stuff. She was constantly tormented by side effects. The chemo made her hair come in strangely. She had started going gray as a teenager, and one of the bouts of chemo had made only the dark hairs fall out. When they started growing back, the white hairs were about a half inch longer than the dark ones - made for an interesting effect. Eventually, the cancer started to spread.

The hardest part for her was having to stop teaching. Her students were her life. Since she wasn't able to have children of her own, those kids were everything to her. She was bored at home. Eventually, she was able to go back. Her fellow teachers were very good to keep track of her and send her home when she was too sick.

And then things started looking up. The main tumor was getting smaller. She flew to Houston to meet with a specialist at the cancer center there. She was told that the medications she was using were working well, and that she could continue to take them for years. Years! A doctor had actually used the word YEARS in regards to her cancer. She was told that while her cancer was incurable, it was manageable.

About a month after that, she developed a strange rash. We found out later that it was another type of cancer - marking three seperate areas of her body that were infected.

Friday, May 23rd, 2008, the other teachers made her leave the school. She was very pale and was struggling to get enough air. She had a doctor's appointment already set up for that day. When she got there, they immediately had her admitted to the hospital. I talked to her every day to check on her. Then, I got a phone call early in the morning on Tuesday the 27th. I needed to get on a plane. Many frantic phone calls, my mother took care of the plane tickets for me, Surfer Pirate delivered me to the airport (where I learned that buying a one-way ticket the day of the flight automatically flags you with airport security for an extended search). My biggest fear was that something would happen while I was in the air when I had to have my phone turned off.

I finally made it to the hospital where I sat beside her and held her hand. By this point, the doctors had put her into a sort of drug induced coma to keep her from suffering through the pain. There was nothing else that could be done. As the machines were turned off, I continued to hold her hand and talk to her. After a kiss goodbye from her sweet husband, she passed peacefully to the next world.

Through it all, she fought. She was a warrior. She refused to let cancer stop her from living her life. I eventually learned that she had specifically requested not to be told what her "timeline" was - the "you have ___ much time to live" diagnosis. She didn't want to be held back by that. Turns out, the doctors originally gave her 6 months. She pushed herself and fought her way to 18 months! Even at the very end, her poor, tired body was still fighting.

Her request for her funeral was true to form for her. My shoe-loving sister requested that everyone at her funeral needed to wear their favorite shoes. Her online friends who couldn't attend it put together a collage of pictures of them wearing their favorite shoes that day - in her honor.

One day, if I am blessed with another daughter, I will name her after my dear sister - the warrior.

Prizes!!

The girls over at Or so she says... are having a giveaway! There's lots of fun stuff! Go check it out!

Background Boredom

I'm sure a few of my readers who know me really well may have been surprised by my blog being in pink. I am not a big fan of pink in general. When Pirate Munchkin was little, I was constantly on the lookout for cute baby clothes that were anything but pink.

So why was my blog pink? Because of the choices on blogger, it was the only one I liked that day.

But I've been really bored with it. I've been searching for other options. I'm not thrilled with this one, but it works well with the pirate theme - being a water effect. So, it'll do for now.

That's not to say I won't change it again. And again. And again.

Pirate or not, I AM a woman!

The First Official Stupid Criminal Saturday!

This picture isn't part of the article. I'm just using it for illustration. I found the picture here.

Oregon suspects returning for car make arrest easy

The Associated Press

Updated: 04/02/2010 11:04:32 AM MDT

MEDFORD, Ore. » The people who witnessed a robbery attempt at an Oregon convenience store didn't need to describe the muggers. They just needed to point.

The two men accused of trying to rob someone at knifepoint were arrested when they returned to get their car while officers were interviewing witnesses.

Medford police Lt. Bob Hansen says a man leaving the store late Tuesday was accosted by two men. One brandished a knife and demanded money. The would-be robbers fled when the man ran back into the store and called police.

Hansen says officers were interviewing witnesses in the parking lot when the suspects showed up. Though the men were wearing different clothes, witnesses identified them as the robbers.

The men, 19 and 20 years old, were jailed on charges of attempted first-degree robbery.

Really?? I've heard of returning to the scene of the crime, but this?? Using the lovely picture at the top, how do you go back to the place you JUST ROBBED and have the nerve to walk right up to your car with the cops there?? Wow. Just wow.

It's Stupid Criminal Day!!!

First of all, I need to explain the loss of my beloved stupid criminal stories lately. Quite simply, my local paper changed their website layout. Whatever company is doing their layout now for some odd reason doesn't have access to those fun kinds of stories. I have searched high and low for another source for my criminal stories, without much luck.

Then, last week, I was looking for an obituary in the Salt Lake Tribune, and TA-DA!! On the bottom of the page, I discovered odd news stories, care of The Associated Press. So, now that I have a source again, dumb criminal stories may continue!! And now that I've credited my source, I will quit taking out the locations and other identifying information.

I have a friend who has a "Wordless Wednesday" on her blog. On that day a week, she just posts pictures. I may have to declare one day a week just for dumb criminal stories. Maybe I'll call it Stupid Criminal Saturday. Hmmm... I'll have to think about that.

Meanwhile, on with the show:

Man fleeing Ohio police jumps fence -- into prison

The Associated Press

Updated: 03/30/2010 08:15:48 AM MDT

CLEVELAND » Police say a motorist fleeing officers in Cleveland abandoned his car and jumped a fence -- landing in what turned out to be a prison yard.

Garfield Heights police say the chase started in that suburb early Monday over a traffic violation and reached speeds of 90 mph.

Police say that after a race through several communities, the driver and a passenger bolted from the car and headed for a fence.

They apparently did not realize it was on the outside the state women's prison in Cleveland.

They were arrested along with two other passengers who also tried to flee.

Oh How I Love This Man!

Spring Break has begun. Now, don't get me wrong - I love being a mom. I love Pirate Munchkin with all my heart. She is EXTREMELY bright, but that comes with it's own batch of challenges. She asks questions all. the. time. She constantly wants to know why I'm doing what I'm doing, how I'm doing it. And she especially wants to know what's going to happen next - every minute of every day. In the morning, she wants to know exactly when we're going to have lunch, and what we're going to have, and how long after that we're going to play Electronic Battleship, and then what, and then what, and then what (I think you get the picture).

Needless to say, sometimes Mom needs a break. And with Spring Break being here, and her being home (and somewhat bored) all day, Mom REALLY needs a break at the end of the day.

So, yesterday, I took that break. Pirate Dragon needed crickets (otherwise known as "Crickies" at our house), and I wanted to just go buy them alone. I wanted to go drool over puppies, talk to the parrot, and pet the sweet little Easter bunnies by myself at the pet store. It was heaven. Just some time alone to do what I wanted to do.

And then I came home.

Where I discovered that while I was gone, Pirate Surfer had spent the time with our little girl telling her all about our first date. He told her the details of the first moment he saw me, how we made dinner together, sharing our first kiss, etc. It was so sweet to hear his side of the story coming from her little mouth! I could see my little girl - all starry-eyed - dreaming of her future Prince Charming. And I love that, with his one-on-one time with her, he didn't tell her about surfing or riding dirt bikes or working on cars, he told her our sweet, romantic story. Just one more reason why I love him so much!

So, I thought I would share our story.

I have said it before that I love the internet. And here is one more reason why the internet is so dear to my heart: We met on Myspace. We lived in completely different areas of the city. We worked in completely different areas of the city, with completely different days off. We had completely different interests and completely different lives. There is absolutely no way on earth we would have met in person. But thanks to the internet, we met. Somehow, he stumbled across my profile and sent me a friend request. I was very reluctant to agree to it. First of all, he was blonde and blue eyed. I liked dark-haired, dark-eyed men. His profile had some... questionable nature on it, and lots of thrash metal music. I could tell by his pictures that he had lived a rough life. I wasn't very interested. But, I have learned in life that you really can't judge a book by it's cover, and there are all kinds of interesting people in the world. You just have to give them a chance.

So, I told him he would have to talk me into it.

He could have decided I wasn't worth the effort. If I didn't want to accept his friend request, oh well. But he didn't do that. Instead, we started sending messages back and forth. Very quickly, he had me laughing. I decided I needed to keep this guy around. Eventually, messages led to phone calls. And all of them had the same result - he always made me laugh. After a couple of weeks of this, we decided we needed to meet in person. We made plans one Friday to go out the following weekend. Then, on Saturday, we were talking - and laughing, of course - and we decided neither of us wanted to wait another week. I asked him how he was with cooking steaks. Great. I told him I had a freezer full of steak, but I was no good at cooking them (which is very true). If he would come over and cook the steaks, I would make potatoes and things to go with them.

He called me on the way to my house - needing help to find the way. Once he was less than a block from my house, I went to meet him outside. When he first saw me, he knew I was the woman he wanted to spend his life with. Thankfully, he didn't say that at the time because he would have scared me off. What he did say was "You're much prettier than your pictures." (Awww!) He was taller than I imagined, and definitely cuter than his pictures, too.

We started cooking together. He made me laugh some more. And eventually, I decided to test out his previous brag that he was a good kisser. Yep. :) He is. We spent the evening together, talking and laughing.

The next day, he told me he was done looking. He just wanted to be with me.

The day after that, the girl who swore she wouldn't date anyone exclusively until she had a diamond on her finger decided to officially just be his girlfriend. I even cancelled dates I already had set up with other guys!

Less than 2 weeks later, he let it slip on the phone that he loved me.

A few days after that, he told me we needed to talk. We were both feeling like our lives were too different, and we would never work out. We both went into the conversation expecting to break up and go our separate ways. It really surprised me when I started to cry. I just couldn't let go. Not yet. I will always remember the way he held me while I cried. I could actually FEEL the relief oozing from him - knowing that he didn't have to let me go either.

Next thing I knew, I was in love with him too.

7 months, my sister's death and his broken back later, we were married in a small ceremony in our living room.

And I get to have this cute guy make me laugh for the rest of my life. I'm so lucky!

My Favorite Season!

Spring has arrived!!!

I have always loved spring. The sights, the sounds, the smells, all of it!!

It's been a tough year, and the dreary gray days of winter have been especially hard. But I can already tell such a difference in myself now that the sun has come back!

Last year, keeping up with my yard was really difficult. And then, we got two rowdy puppies! Needless to say, my back yard is, well, trashed. They trampled my herb garden broke some fencing, chewed up everything in sight, and made the grass in some areas completely disappear. It's going to take a LOT of work to get it back, but I have such a beautiful picture in my mind of how it's going to look when it's finished.

So my project for this past week was to rake all the dead grass, leaves, droppings and random unrecognizable bits of former chew toys off the lawn. I got about 2/3 of it done so far, and today, I even managed to get it watered. I'm quite proud of myself. I even had the incentive to start a compost pile! (I'm sure my garden will thank me for that later!) This year, my vegetable garden will return in full form - I'm even going to try some vegetables I've never grown before! The herb garden will be brought back to it's previous glory. Eventually, the lush, green grass will be back (although parts of the yard may need to be reseeded with super, resilient grass seed) over the majority of the yard. And within the next couple of years, I will have a large perennial flower bed, with a new patio space between it and the vegetable garden - complete with comfy Adirondack chairs. I am going to build a wooden arbor with planting boxes to mark the entry to the veggie garden, and we'll plant some fruit trees. It's going to be a beautiful little haven back there! I will share pictures as the project moves along.

It will also help neighborhood morale since I live next door to an apartment building. The upstairs neighbors have had to deal with a less-than-inviting view over the last year. :)

Tomorrow, I get to rest from my landscape projects since we're supposed to get rain most of the day. Dare I hope for a thunderstorm? Be still my little heart!!

Get back in your box already!

It needs to be said. I hate John Mayer.

I hate his voice, I hate his song lyrics, I hate his attitude, I even hate his stupid tattoos!

His voice? Whiny, breathy, and I can't understand a stinkin word he says! I've hated him since the very first time I heard "Your Body is a Wonderland." Sounded like he was saying "your body is a wawalah." Excuse me, what?? There is a whole forum (*note: some of the links in this blog entry have language not suitable for children) that fully describes what I think of his voice. Especially the part about something being in his mouth while he sings.

His song lyrics? Come Back to Bed? Nothing like repeating one line 13 times and another line 8 times in a single song! Did you just run out of lyrics and figured that was good enough? Daughters, No Such Thing, Back To You, Edge of Desire and of course, Your Body is a Wonderland (along with many others) all have one main theme. That theme is "if I can pass myself off as sensitive and wounded, every woman in the world will want me." Yeah, not this woman, dude. The very funny comedian Mike Birgihlia does a great joke that sums up John Mayer's songs in my mind.

His attitude? This covers that pretty well. I would like to think this is one of those cases where the interview was skewed to boost readership, but there are enough cases out there of him acting this way. His recent Playboy interview and later apology for it just adds to the fun. Here is a fun discussion of his behavior.

And his tattoos? Don't get me wrong, I really like tattoos. Surfer Pirate has A LOT of them. But this? On John Mayer??? Mr. Sensitive himself?? Tattoos hurt. While many people will say they're addictive and once you have one, you want more. Okay, I can understand that. But if I were truly to believe that this guy is as sensitive as his song lyrics claim, all I can picture is him crying for his mommy the entire time. And trust me, that sleeve took HOURS. Just further adds to my feeling that the whole sensitive lyrics thing is just a scam.

My sister and I were once discussing him and how annoying he is and how I wish he would just go away. She had such a great way of phrasing things. She said "You know, he just won't stay in that box that I put him in." She WAS the Queen of Everything. She had the power!

All of that said, I do have to admit that he's a pretty talented guitar player. If he could play his guitar with duct tape over his mouth - so I don't have to hear his voice, and a paper bag over his head - so I don't have to see those bizarre faces he makes, I probably wouldn't mind him. But as it is, he can just climb back in his box and I'll just listen to Jimi Hendrix, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Carlos Santana, Billy Gibbons (ZZ Top), Eddie Van Halen, Ottmar Liebert, Steve Vai, BB King, Henry Garza (Los Lonely Boys), Cliff Burton and Kirk Hammett (both of Metallica), and on and on and on and on...