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Tuesday, August 30, 2011

The Wacky World of Internet Dating

First of all, I should announce that Pirate Baby got his first tooth last Wednesday!! It's still not all the way out, and the poor guy has been extra miserable today. Which means his mama has had an extra rough day as well. I'm enjoying the calm peacefulness that I've finally got in my house today. I'll be glad when that tooth makes it's full appearance (and when our Hylands Teething Tablets get here!)

So while we're on the subject of things that bite...

Internet Dating!!

*I'm only sort of kidding. It was too good of a segue to pass up!

One of the blogs I read all the time was talking about internet dating today. It reminded me of a story I've been meaning to tell on here for a while.

When I found myself newly single in 2007, I decided I would give internet dating a shot. My sister had met her husband online. My mom and step-dad had found each other again online. I figured I had a pretty good chance with the internet.

I had a very specific idea in mind of what kind of man I was looking for, so I signed up on a church based dating site. I was nervous when I set up my profile. I tried to be as honest as I could without revealing too much information (I was fairly internet phobic back then). I finished, clicked done, and tried to be patient.

I started getting responses quite quickly.

Each one seemed to be a little more odd than the one before.

What I came to discover was that apparently the guys who have been shot down by everyone else stalk the "New Members" listings, in search of new blood. They're like very creepy little sharks.

But they also make for fun story material.

Before I get to my favorite story from that batch of men, I'll throw in another doozy. Dave* was a 49 year old, twice-divorced father of 2. I informed him right away that nothing would be happening with us because he was much too old for me. (The age range I had entered was 31-41. I was not about to get involved with someone 8 years past that range!) But he was sort of entertaining, and I didn't have much else going on at that moment, so I stuck around to talk to him online. He told me that he was looking for a young bride because he wanted more children. He was an odd duck.

But now we're up to my favorite story. After a week or so of being bombarded by strange long-term members (creepy little sharks), I got a message from a guy named Jeff*. His profile listed him as being new like me. He hadn't posted a picture yet, and he wasn't quite done entering information, but I saw he had listed that he was going to culinary school. I always thought that seemed like a fun thing to do, so I was curious. We ended up instant messaging, and he seemed like a nice enough guy. Eventually, we got into the discussion about his culinary school. I asked him what his focus was - what type of cooking he wanted to do (French, Mexican, pastry, etc) - trying to get an idea of what he wanted to do with himself after he finished school. I was expecting to hear something like he wanted to become the head chef at a 5-star gourmet restaurant. Or maybe a cruise ship chef. Heck, even short-order cook in some little cafe. So how does Jeff answer the question?

"I like meatloaf."



My mind was reeling...



Did you... did you really just answer a... a question about your schooling... did you really just tell me... the answer to why you're paying tuition someplace... to learn how to be a chef... is that you LIKE MEATLOAF??

I decided that any sort of romantic relationship with Jeff was not possible. He just didn't seem all that bright to me after such a ridiculous answer. On top of that, I hate meatloaf. (Both the food and the "musician".)

I was so stunned by this guy that I had to tell my friend about him. We decided that he had big dreams of opening a restaurant that serves only different varieties of meatloaf. He's going to become famous for his meatloaf.

We started referring to him as Jeff the Famous Meatloaf Chef.

And I ignored further messages from him.

Eventually, I noticed he'd put up a profile picture. Jeff weighed somewhere around 400 pounds. Guess he really DID love meatloaf!

I never did find romance on that site, although I did make some friends. When my contract time ended, I decided not to renew my membership. I wanted to take a break from finding Mr Right and just focus on Mr Right Now. I opened a Myspace profile, and that's where I met Surfer Pirate.

Guess online dating was still the right way to go for me.

*Names changed to protect the crazy.


B. said...

Omg, that is SO funny! I like meatloaf! What a freak! I bet his culinary school teachers hated him (if he was even actually in culinary school, that is).

MTGrace said...

I think he actually was, but I think you're right. His teachers probably hated him.